SATURNO (english poetry)

I’m including numbered lines in case anyone wants to comment on a verse without having to copy it, since these are images. I’ve never realised until now how hard I was making it for you. That aside, this is another one of those decompressing compositions, but I quite like this one, it makes sense to me.

Screen Shot 2018-07-06 at 23.11.11Screen Shot 2018-07-06 at 23.11.15


JOHNNY

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Hoje sou tudo no nada que sou, amanhã serei outro.

24 thoughts on “SATURNO (english poetry)

    • Ah, it was a sound shift, I use those often. I don’t usually have a lot of faith in my talent regardless of the stanza, but thank you, and I will take note not to be so abrupt on lyricals, I completely understand what you mean as I’ve noticed it as an issue on other compositions as well.
      Thank you Jeremy, truly 🙂

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    • And now that I’m reading it better, the exposition is really placed weirdly, I might have to rewrite a lot of it.
      Again, thank you. This helps me so much.

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  1. johnny, although i do agree that the sound shift in the fourth stanza creates a totally different feel in the exposition, i don’t know if it truly detracts from the poem in its entirety. (of course, i read poetry for the overall feel, when i should perhaps be more academic in some cases?) unlike some of your other poems, this one feels more direct and simple, beautiful in its clarity. perhaps, in your revision (if you choose to do so), you might preserve that graceful simplicity? i do love your choice of topic in this one–linking music to the spheres, the true heavens above rather than some abstraction of heaven…just lovely.

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    • I get what you mean, sound shifts are part of my evolving style and are highly subjected to taste and overall perspective of the reader, and I’ve tried but I cannot bring myself to dilute the verses for the sake of lyricism, as I’m trying to orbit out of it a bit more.
      The content however, can be a bit over-exposing, almost makes it cheesy. I need to learn to segment more and distill each part.

      As always, your input is beyond price, and I’m so tenderly thankful.

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    • I’m still myself trying to understand how to get certain notifications from blogs, but WordPress doesn’t have a good reader platform, unfortunatly.
      I just bookmark sites now and visit when I can.
      Thank you so much though!

      Liked by 1 person

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